Something by Susie

What are your biggest challenges?

Just recently I have been reviewing my life, where I am, where i work, and where I want to be instead! Don’t get me wrong I do love where I live, but I no longer love my job, its evolved over the years to something I no longer enjoy. I don’t get the same challenges I once did, just the stress those previous challenges seem to now provide. I use the term ‘challenges’ in this case very loosely,  they just appear to be more and more pointless.  Its become work harder, work harder, the ability to work smarter appears to have disappeared. So I no longer love what I do, or where I do it, and who I do it for. I sat and pondered over it for a long time and I came to the conclusion that I feel I can no longer grow where i am, that there is no space foe movement for me to grow, and my inner peace recognised this long before my conscious mind did.

Growing older, or adulting as i like to refer to it, brings with it some unique gifts I had wished i’d had a long time ago.  The ability to see bullshit and not fear calling it out, being able to recognise crap that no longer serves you, nor people who recognise your potential and value, or for that fact have your best interests at heart -or even remotely near a pumping artery.

So I want to be somewhere else, having an easier life and by that I mean less stress. I’m not afraid of hard work but I have to enjoy it.  I get thrills from the challenges, the learning and ultimately the successes. So where do I want to be. Another country I summized, spending more time outdoors, living a simpler life. But I want to help people. I love helping people, seeing their successes and joy in their lives. We all need a little help sometimes to get to where we feel we will be happiest, or at least feel we would be happier.

So here comes the fear. Its a massive leap. Will I fall flat on my face, will I get it so wrong that I end up with no job, income or home. Trust my mind to go to the worst case scenario, when I am the ridiculously positive one with everyone else.  A fear of leaping into something better, or worse!  Is it possible that the grass could actually be greener, but I’m a crap gardener?

I would literally have to have faith in myself, and just me, no back up plan – one giant leap of faith,….in myself.   That I could do it, make it work, that I am up to the task at hand, a new challenge that will send me onto a different branch of my path, or journey to where I am supposed to be, my next chapter, or even a new book in a different library.

As we know from my previous post, “Self Sabotage”,  I’m not adverse to a bit of procrastination in order to self sabotage. But what is this fear, could it be a fear of actually achieving it, of being able to do it and be successful.  Why on earth would I fear that.  Surely its what I want right, what I am aiming for and what I actually want to achieve?  What if its that I achieve it and its nothing like I imagined, what then?

We are all very much a ‘work in progress’. When we strive to achieve where we want to be, because we all underestimate how awesome we are, we strive for our next location or destination along the pathway of development, usually with a few diversions along the way.  Surely my greatest fear should be having never tried at all, surely I should lean towards the ‘but what if……!’

So now I find myself trying to work out what I need to do to push myself, to have faith in myself, to take that leap…..what are my next steps? Someday I feel I take many steps, moving forward at great speed, others I feel like if I looked down I would see the same path I walked the day before or a week ago.

So what are your tips and tricks to get you out of the vicious circle, how do you push yourself to have faith and say….fuck it, let’s do this shit!